Monday, October 5, 2009

Lost

The last time I wrote on this blog no one responded! What's up world? Does anyone care about little old me? Lol. I guess I can't blame you. I have been in Michigan for almost six months. Still no job and no feeling of self accomplishment. This whole time I have been applying for jobs with no avail. I know I planned on going to South Korea, but then my sister had my niece, and my family expressed how difficult it would be to see me go abroad again. I still have that itch though. It's been a year and I still can't shake it. I don't feel alive unless I am testing myself in some way, and the only thing I consider testing myself is leaving the country. Why is that? My friends think I have changed. I am distant. I don't even notice until they are so fed up they go crazy on me. The bad thing is I don't know what to do. I have thought of ways I could make myself happy in Michigan. The only place I could see myself living and being happy is Ann Arbor. I want to be surrounded by people who force me to think. Where my kids could get a good education, both educationally and socially. No I don't have children, but I am thinking for the future here! I would also have to go on vacations twice a year. Ones in the States and ones internationally. Now I know what you’re thinking. This woman has a list of how she expects her life to go. I hope she knows it most likely won't go that way. Let me be the first to say I am a realist. However I have gotten myself into a situation which is complicated.
I have a boyfriend now, since May. One that is very challenging for me because he's so different from the guys in my past relationships. I feel like the older I get the more complicated relationships get. I wish I could go back to the time when things were simpler, but then again I'm sure every one thinks that way after they get a certain age. He has worked for Ford Motor Company for 10 years. He is 32 with no children and no ex-wives. However, he is spoiled and closed minded. I wonder often if this will ever work. Even though he has given me more then anyone from my past. He doesn't want to travel outside of the country until he retires. He doesn't even want me to go because he would "worry about me". It's a big deal when I go out with my friend on a Saturday night let alone India or Japan. Yet and still I don't know what to do.
Now don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. When we met he knew I had just moved back to Michigan from Ohio. He knew I didn't have a job, and he still persuade me. He would do anything for me. Now the reality comes into play. I have never been married, no children, I am not hard to deal with, and I am educated. I'm not saying He is using me, but it does seem like an ample opportunity for a man ready to have a family. Please let me know if I am wrong because this is what I truly feel. He is sweet and generous, but he wants a simple life and the way I imagine my life is just not that simple. Am I fooling myself by thinking with some time and effort things will work out? I will let you be the judge of that and please tell me your opinion. I will not be offended.
Ok, now on to the biggest issue. THE NO JOB ISSUE! This is the longest I have ever been without a job since I started working at 13 years of age. It's ridiculous in Michigan. I have applied to every non-profit, government, and social service organization I have seen an opening and nothing has come of it. Not even a phone call. I know we are in a depression but damn! Can a sista get a interview? Lol. I just really need to feel like I am doing something constructive with my time.
Well this is all my thoughts for now. For you all that took the time to read my thoughts I do appreciate it. Please feel free to share your opinions or subjections rather they be positive or negative. Until next time.

Peace

Nicole

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Blast From the Past

Wow! I was reading a number of blogs when I realize I had started this page, wrote on it ones, and never returned. Today when I finally did return and read the one and only entry I wrote it bought back a lot of memories. I left for Peace Corps in August of 2007 and came home in August of 2008. Yes, I left a year early. I could go on and on about why I left, but the main reason which pops into my mind now every time I think about it is if I had stayed I would have been bitter and angry the entire second year. I know some people can go throughout life feeling that way, but I am not one of them. I loved Niger, but not confined within the walls of Peace Corps. Because I left in August I can look at my experiences in Niger as one of the greatest and most memorial experiences of my life thus far, and I am just getting started.
I learned so much about myself during my year in Niger. Before I left Niger I had no idea what I would do when I returned home. I also was in a relationship witch I thought would last forever. Even as I type those words now I wonder what I was thinking. So once I returned to the States the first thing I wanted to do was try to make that work. Well it didn't, for a variety of reasons. The major one being we had grown in two different directions. We were broken up the entire time I was in Niger, but kept a very close friendship. I was bitter and angry for maybe three months after I returned. I guess even now I still get upset about it sometimes. I moved back to my small ass college town in Ohio, got an apartment and a job only to find out he had changed his mind about trying to work things out. I guess life just has a way of showing you nothing is promised. However, in a way I feel more freedom now then I have my whole life.
I have always had a bad habit of holding on to my past. Especially when it comes to my relationships. However, for some reason now I feel completely free to do whatever I want. With the new year I am letting go of the past, my past relationships and searching for new experiences. My friends believe I am a runner. To them anytime I am unhappy with what's going on in my life I run from it. Of course I don't look at it that way. What's the point in staying in a situation if it only brings you sadness and heartache? Exactly, there is no point at all.
Next stop, South Korea! I have decided to teach English in South Korea in mid August for a year. I am so excited about it! Ever since I got back to the States all I have thought about is going back abroad. I have always wanted to travel to Asia and now I have my chance. I can go on and on about my future plans and I will, but I will stop here for now. If anyone out there in the bloggers world has anything they would like to share with me about South Korea I would be more then happy to hear your suggestions. Until next time.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Welcome

O.k, this is something I never thought I would be doing. You know, "blogging". However some of my friends here in Peace Corps feel this is the easiest way to keep family and friends updated on what's going on. I have to say I agree at the present time. Just sitting here typing on my own personal blog page makes me feel a little closer to all of you. I want to let you all know I miss you very much. After 8 months in Niger I have started to realize how much I depend on you're support and comfort. Sometimes I took all of you for granted, and for that I am sorry. I won't be able to write on here everyday because I do not have Internet access in my village. However, before you know it I will have pictures up and you will feel my African experience as if you were standing right here with me. I love you all and look forward to letting you know what's going on.

Nikky Boo