Lost

The last time I wrote on this blog no one responded! What's up world? Does anyone care about little old me? Lol. I guess I can't blame you. I have been in Michigan for almost six months. Still no job and no feeling of self accomplishment. This whole time I have been applying for jobs with no avail. I know I planned on going to South Korea, but then my sister had my niece, and my family expressed how difficult it would be to see me go abroad again. I still have that itch though. It's been a year and I still can't shake it. I don't feel alive unless I am testing myself in some way, and the only thing I consider testing myself is leaving the country. Why is that? My friends think I have changed. I am distant. I don't even notice until they are so fed up they go crazy on me. The bad thing is I don't know what to do. I have thought of ways I could make myself happy in Michigan. The only place I could see myself living and being happy is Ann Arbor. I want to be surrounded by people who force me to think. Where my kids could get a good education, both educationally and socially. No I don't have children, but I am thinking for the future here! I would also have to go on vacations twice a year. Ones in the States and ones internationally. Now I know what you’re thinking. This woman has a list of how she expects her life to go. I hope she knows it most likely won't go that way. Let me be the first to say I am a realist. However I have gotten myself into a situation which is complicated.
I have a boyfriend now, since May. One that is very challenging for me because he's so different from the guys in my past relationships. I feel like the older I get the more complicated relationships get. I wish I could go back to the time when things were simpler, but then again I'm sure every one thinks that way after they get a certain age. He has worked for Ford Motor Company for 10 years. He is 32 with no children and no ex-wives. However, he is spoiled and closed minded. I wonder often if this will ever work. Even though he has given me more then anyone from my past. He doesn't want to travel outside of the country until he retires. He doesn't even want me to go because he would "worry about me". It's a big deal when I go out with my friend on a Saturday night let alone India or Japan. Yet and still I don't know what to do.
Now don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. When we met he knew I had just moved back to Michigan from Ohio. He knew I didn't have a job, and he still persuade me. He would do anything for me. Now the reality comes into play. I have never been married, no children, I am not hard to deal with, and I am educated. I'm not saying He is using me, but it does seem like an ample opportunity for a man ready to have a family. Please let me know if I am wrong because this is what I truly feel. He is sweet and generous, but he wants a simple life and the way I imagine my life is just not that simple. Am I fooling myself by thinking with some time and effort things will work out? I will let you be the judge of that and please tell me your opinion. I will not be offended.
Ok, now on to the biggest issue. THE NO JOB ISSUE! This is the longest I have ever been without a job since I started working at 13 years of age. It's ridiculous in Michigan. I have applied to every non-profit, government, and social service organization I have seen an opening and nothing has come of it. Not even a phone call. I know we are in a depression but damn! Can a sista get a interview? Lol. I just really need to feel like I am doing something constructive with my time.
Well this is all my thoughts for now. For you all that took the time to read my thoughts I do appreciate it. Please feel free to share your opinions or subjections rather they be positive or negative. Until next time.

Peace

Nicole